Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
