She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
