Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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