my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
