I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
