don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
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