I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
