Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize