you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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