Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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