if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
