I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
