She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
