Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
