Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize