chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
