You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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