i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
