How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize