he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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