I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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