You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The adults are the big ones right?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize