My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
