I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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