I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
