Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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