Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
