I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
