I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
