He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
