Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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