what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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