Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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