I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
