youre lurking in front of me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
