I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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