Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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