It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
