I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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