i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i came on her dog
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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