You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
