I can tuck mytits in my pants
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
