And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
