i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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