We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
