If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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