I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
