Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
