Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
