Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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