insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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