I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
