I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
