i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I love having hate sex.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
