I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
