Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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