i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
