i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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