dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
