hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
