The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
