i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
