my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
