It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
