cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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