As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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