New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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