No, you can still breathe under the balls.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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