So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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