Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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