I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
