just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
