that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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